Assembler: write fast code, so fast it starts executing even before
you finish. Portable to other systems running the same operating
system version and processor sets.
FORTRAN: write code that is structured only in that it must be lined
up correctly. Only three people in the world understand the I/O
syntax. Garbage common blocks and global variables raised to the level
of an art form.
C: write code that runs fast and can be debugged just as fast. Poorly
written, ill-conceived systems written in C are scary in their
complexity and generate high levels of job security.
C++: write unstructured, half-assed object-oriented code in a syntax
that stretches the definition of painful. Finished code
visually resembles a black and white Jackson Pollock painting without
the aesthetic appeal.
Shell-script: Write unstructured, wretched code that looks
back longingly at FORTRAN garbage common blocks.
Awk: write wretched, un-reusuable code pretty fast.
Perl: write wretched, un-reusable code even faster than awk/sed/grep
using syntax that uses only the number/symbol row on the keyboard.
Python/Ruby: write wretched code even faster than in Perl. Structured in
that indentation is used to notate blocks, unstructured in every other
way. Finished code is horrible to observe visually, reminds one of the
good olde days of Microsoft Basic. Sacrificing principle and structure
for readability is never a good idea – this notion is the reason there
are so many bad novelists. Truly exceptional programmers are as rare
as good novelists (and bloggers). Python and Ruby are for everyone
Java: write code that works, is structured, is fast enough, and runs
everywhere. No global variables, only primitives and objects. Supports
design patterns in an easy, natural way. Self-documentation
support. The essence of structure and elegance.
Conclusions: Java, like democracy, is wretched, but is still
the best answer by far. Ruby, Python and Perl are symbols of the
erosion of civilization – programming languages should only support
one paradigm. C is a potent challenger to Java but allows
poorly trained programmers to do terrible things. C++ is a wretched
conception that belongs in the dust-bin (half-assed ideas have never,
ever worked). FORTRAN is the Supreme Dalek of the code world.